"It's not what you want in this life, it's what you get that you have to do with."

"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it"

"I wonder how so insupportable a thing as a bookseller was ever permitted to grow up in the Commonwealth. Many of our modern booksellers are but needless excrements, or rather vermin."

"Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive."

"A pessimist is never disappointed."

"A young lady who faints may awake chivalrous sentiments in gentleman; a young lady who weeps engenders only a strong desire to be elsewhere."

"During these times, when crazy people are running the government, all you can do is laugh."

"Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few."

"Though one should be prepared to vomit rather frequently and disport with pink elephants and assorted grotesqueries while trying often unsuccessfully to make one's way to the toilet."

"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

"Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence."

"A wise man cares not for that which he cannot have."